So, I’m sorry for losing touch with the few, the proud, the readers……but I was caught up in the volcanic cloud that was my early spring……Seriously folks, its good to be back.
I apologize for the fact that all previous content was jettisoned, but it was time for some new stuff. (aparently Georgie Dubya got a little upset about the email I posted, and threatened to expand his brush burning to my backyard)
But really guys (and gals, if we even have a female reader) what happened to this world/our anonymous author over the past 4 months? Let’s recap for those of us who try to avoid world news sources and PW’s life drama.
Earthquake hits Chile, one of our author’s favorite stomping grounds. Not only did the earthquake hit Chile, but it wreaked havoc on the people that Mr. Hatsley has helped on two separate occasions. It also somehow put the earth on a different tit, or changed the axil rose (I am not a physicist, but I heard something about this)
Tsunamis…..
A volcanic cloud engulfs Europe, at the same time that Greece’s economy starts to collapse. Now I don’t really see a connection, but I thought I would get all the euro-trash talk out of the way in one paragraph. Flights shut down, people yell, complain about missing flights…..you get the picture.
But the most astounding thing to happen in the past 4 months was……….our author got a job. A full timey gig, health insurance and all. Please, hold your applause till after I finish patting myself on the pat. No pat intended, remember, this author is anonymous for a reason.
But the job is kinda cool. I can’t discuss details on the blog, because of a non-disclosable whachamacallit. (I am not a lawyer)
So please welcome, the man who has worn many hats, check that, any hat……Pdubs the RECEPTIONIST!!!!!! You can call me an administrative assistant if you like.
Ok, so I can’t tell my readers where I work, but I can tell you some of the hilarious things that go on from day to day at this post. To start, let’s be serious….who in this company does not have suspicions that I am a homosexual. I mean, Tommy C. and Sal in the warehouse have already pointed out 12 times that when I call them from my direct line, the internal caller id comes up as Florence. This is something they find Hilarious……good for you guys. Rag on the new kid because of a mistake which the lazy IT ass hasn’t bothered to fix yet. Our IT man has promised a new phone system since I got there, (and apparently for months previous to that.)
But wait, there’s more….Our owner is Russian. Not funny for most people, especially since, as my dad says…..”In order to have made money in the transition from communism to capitalism in Russia, you have to have been biting the heads of rats.” Direct quote.
However, I find this funny, mainly because I can do a pretty convincing Russian accent. I have been reminded that this accent is not acceptable plenty of times, and I have since stopped doing it at work, but we have yet to see this guy. He has promised to show up now for two weeks, and we are all waiting “on pins and needles” as C. keeps saying.
But there are so many characters at this new job, and I am in the perfect spot to observe. I am not going to disclose all details at once, but rest assured that I have been taking notes. I will be sure to blog very often to keep my fellow friendlies updated. Especially since I miss you guys so much….awwwww. Somehow, tho, I ran into a Greg with Legs on my lunch break yesterday….small world.
But if it wasn’t hard enough for me to work 80 hours a week without ever having booze, I have quit smoking as well. And my boss thought it was funny to pull out a bottle of whisky to tempt me in the interview, because, he said…..”How can I trust an Irishman who doesn’t drink?” Rest assured, I politely declined. Don’t worry Rob, in my head I was “recoiling as if from a hot flame. Although I prefer to think of it as a deadly viper.”
So yup, that’s me….stick in the mud Pdubs….Abstinent from all fun substances. I feel good about it, but damn…..whooda thunkit? I do, however, stil allow myself to indulge in the delusion that I might be able to get a laugh outta some of you guys, from time to time. (insert retard face…..scott brown has whatttt???)
Speaking of politics, anyone catch Obama’s speech the other night? Where he lampooned Mitt the twit and Brownie boy , almost in the same breath? That guy is incredible, he’s changing the world, cleaning up 8 years of a bonobo’s presidential blunders, and he still has the time to deliver well written material? Damn, I’m not gay, but that man is Sexxxxxy.
I would like to introduce a little game I thought up called……HOW’d THAT work OUT for YA???
The way we play is…..we ask people “How’d that work out for ya?” Not to complicated, right? Okay, here goes…..
Republicans, you took control of the white house, for 8 years, then lost your power to a black man/socialist. You had a good run at fucking things up, cut taxes with reconciliation, broke law after law, waged wars all over the goddamn globe, and still find it appropriate to complain about “fair and balanced politics in Washington” You guys sound like a bunch of crying ninnymuffins, but…….HOW’d that work out for ya?????
And Sarah Palin…….you look kinda cute, you talk kinda funny, and you dropped out of a governorship to run around the country talking about guns and shit that you don’t understand…….so, HOW’d that work out for ya???
And not to be mean, I love you Conan….but youre acting like a spoiled brat, even though you know Jay Leno has more money and power than Donald Trump (not literally) so, sorry bro but….how’d that work out for ya?
And Arizona…..although the story is not fully told yet…..you are trying to promote what I call “redneck legislation” in a state that is run on immigrant sweat. Other states are talking about boycotting your state all together….so, How’s that working out for ya????
If I sound a little glib, or a little smug…..I’m sorry, but I am a Liberal, and I am so sick and tired of Repubs and Teabaggers complaining about shit that doesn’t even make sense, or is even based in reality, ie the whole birthing bullshit…..SO I had to throw that out there.
So, more to come….for now though, please understand that our author is sorry for not posting more. Project Pat was underway, and luckily our anonymous author made it out the other side……Stay tuned.
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