Brack History
Sno more SNOW
I have a feeling that Malcolm X and MLK have teamed up in heaven to bring this wrath upon us, in honor of Brack History Month. I support it, we deserve it.
So this crazy blogger donned a winter hat and headed to the unforgiving terrain of North-Central Maine for a weekend of Nordic Skiing. For some reason, I found it necessary it growl like a bear as I was trudging along. I found power in the growl, growl-power you might call it. The trip was a success, but I think more than anything it was a wake-up call about how much of a gross-foul-fat-pig I am.
My lovely editor-in-chief and I had the opportunity to listen to some Northern Maine talk radio on our return trip. The host of a weekly show had an agricultural rep on the air. This man had a FANTASTIC accent which I can’t even start to replicate. He was talking about how the wolves are coming back to the area, bobcats and lynx have already returned, Mountain Lions are gaining in numbers. This caused the hair to rise on the back of my neck, and I started to want a gun. Am I sick? Don’t answer that.
I have a mixed opinion on the whole gun control argument. I think people who tote guns and join the NRA are paranoid, silly, and have small penises. That said, I want one. I’m not gonna get one, but damn, they look cool. There has gotta be a sense of power and thrill to have some steel on you. Bam, no more problem. Why is it that Republicunts get to have all the gun-fun?
I have been feeding my argumentative side, which my sponsor and I decided I shouldn’t be doing. (resign from the debating society is the phrase he used) But I have been spending time reading the Letters to the Editor of my local paper, the Metro-West Daily news. You can read my replies if you check out the opinion/letters to the editor section of the site. I just can’t sit by while ignorant asses make arguments that don’t make sense. I’ve been shooting holes in their theories for weeks now. I use my favorite weapon, the keyboard. They are not happy to have this guy on their message boards. Well, fuck em. I’m making George Carlin proud.
Speaking of George Denis Patrick Carlin, I just finished his autobiographical work of genius Last Words. That guy was AWESOME. He writes even better than he performed. I recommend the book to anyone. It inspired me to act more on my creative impulses, and do more writing.
The Red Stockings will begin a season of Beisbol soon. All I have to say is Carl Motherfucking Crawford baby. And also, an observation I have about our other new ringer we picked up: Adrian Gonzalez: If you look at a picture of him, he is a Spanish speaking version of V-tek. Take a picture of his face, and put it next to Varitek’s mugshot. Same Guy. I want them to mess around with that look alike thing at some point, like have Jason trot out with a first baseman’s mitt, and see if anyone notices.
Thanks for reading, check back next week for some more incoherent ramblings from:
PW Hatsley
2011/02/09
2011/01/12
2010....the year of the Spillsbury Oh, Boy
2010 Year in Review
I enjoy reading different writer’s annual years in review around this time of year. I figured I’d give it a go.
2010, on a personal level, was a year like no other for Mr. Hatsley.
After a long period of underemployement, this agriculturist tried his hand at a new gig. Receptionist…..why not?
Humiliating, yes. Interesting, at times. PDubs can no longer wear his Cubs hat all day. He has replaced the Cubbie with a tie, and is looking to be a hubby and a good guy. Stop rhyming.
So, I work in a city far far away from the Dirty Ham. It’s ok, I got my license back. I also sometimes take the choochoo to work. Its fun. When I am feeling down, I pretend I’m the conductor. The passengers look at me like I’m retarded when I do the whistle sound, so I do it in my head now.
I am grateful for the following:
1. My lovely editor in chief/wife: Harah.
2. My job
3. My hero-brother’s miraculous recovery
4. My new racecar
5. My soberness
6. My friends
7. My relationship with my Pops (Clint Eastwood’s real-life twin)
On a not-Patrick note: WTF happened to the world? Really? Just 2 years into a new congress, we brought in a bunch of woodsmen to do the job. These folks, bless their simple little hearts , have never had a desk job in their lives. They march to the beat of a different drum. They have no concept of compassion, politics, or fun. They carry guns. They shoot things. They don’t understand history, but rant and rave about taxes. You would think with their fondness for burning fossil fuels, they would like to pay taxes…if only to have more roads on which to drive their 12 Cylinder trucks with tea-bags hanging from the tailpipe.
Baracka Bobama has turned out to be a very manly man, and an effective executive as well. He did more in 2010 than any other president has done in my life. Historic health care change (resented by all who don’t understand it.) He stayed alive (thanks be to the Secret Service.) He plugged a leaking oil well, and got the company responsible (British fucks that they are) to foot the bill for the clean up. He vacationed in the Vineyard of Martha. He smiled (once or twice, I think.) Then the lame-fuck session of congressional politics threatened. What did he do? Compromised, then wham, wham, wham. He knocked it out of the park. Over and over, he slammed through bills that will save this sorry nation.
The Red Sox played pretty well, although this hat-wearer found a new ballcap to wear. Mr. Legsly, fear not…..your Scrapcap will be presented to you this spring.
The Patriots are a dominant force. My favorite Pat is a man by the name of Patrick Chung. I asked my Pepefriend whether or not he thinks that Mr. Chung is well Hung. We both agreed he was, but that we wouldn’t talk about it anymore (it made us feel a little weird.)
Speaking of well hung, ShaKeer Oneer came to the Boston Ballhandlers. Who would’ve guessed it. He now has a shot at being on the list of the 4 best Handball Centers of all time. (CAN YOU DIGGG IT????)
We started our withdrawal from Iraq. Thanks DUBYA for a losing quagmire of a stupid fucking fight, but I am glad to report we are pulling back. Afghanistan remains to be destroyed until 2014. I am glad to have Mr. Patraeus at the helm, instead of Stanly Fuckface.
I am sorry to report folks, that Hip-Hop is dead. It takes a month and a half to find a new rap or Hip-hop album that is worth anything. Damian Marley and Nas, however put out an album that changed my life.
That’s pretty much all I got for you folks. Keep your chins up. I hope to write more in this new year.
-PW Hatlsey
I enjoy reading different writer’s annual years in review around this time of year. I figured I’d give it a go.
2010, on a personal level, was a year like no other for Mr. Hatsley.
After a long period of underemployement, this agriculturist tried his hand at a new gig. Receptionist…..why not?
Humiliating, yes. Interesting, at times. PDubs can no longer wear his Cubs hat all day. He has replaced the Cubbie with a tie, and is looking to be a hubby and a good guy. Stop rhyming.
So, I work in a city far far away from the Dirty Ham. It’s ok, I got my license back. I also sometimes take the choochoo to work. Its fun. When I am feeling down, I pretend I’m the conductor. The passengers look at me like I’m retarded when I do the whistle sound, so I do it in my head now.
I am grateful for the following:
1. My lovely editor in chief/wife: Harah.
2. My job
3. My hero-brother’s miraculous recovery
4. My new racecar
5. My soberness
6. My friends
7. My relationship with my Pops (Clint Eastwood’s real-life twin)
On a not-Patrick note: WTF happened to the world? Really? Just 2 years into a new congress, we brought in a bunch of woodsmen to do the job. These folks, bless their simple little hearts , have never had a desk job in their lives. They march to the beat of a different drum. They have no concept of compassion, politics, or fun. They carry guns. They shoot things. They don’t understand history, but rant and rave about taxes. You would think with their fondness for burning fossil fuels, they would like to pay taxes…if only to have more roads on which to drive their 12 Cylinder trucks with tea-bags hanging from the tailpipe.
Baracka Bobama has turned out to be a very manly man, and an effective executive as well. He did more in 2010 than any other president has done in my life. Historic health care change (resented by all who don’t understand it.) He stayed alive (thanks be to the Secret Service.) He plugged a leaking oil well, and got the company responsible (British fucks that they are) to foot the bill for the clean up. He vacationed in the Vineyard of Martha. He smiled (once or twice, I think.) Then the lame-fuck session of congressional politics threatened. What did he do? Compromised, then wham, wham, wham. He knocked it out of the park. Over and over, he slammed through bills that will save this sorry nation.
The Red Sox played pretty well, although this hat-wearer found a new ballcap to wear. Mr. Legsly, fear not…..your Scrapcap will be presented to you this spring.
The Patriots are a dominant force. My favorite Pat is a man by the name of Patrick Chung. I asked my Pepefriend whether or not he thinks that Mr. Chung is well Hung. We both agreed he was, but that we wouldn’t talk about it anymore (it made us feel a little weird.)
Speaking of well hung, ShaKeer Oneer came to the Boston Ballhandlers. Who would’ve guessed it. He now has a shot at being on the list of the 4 best Handball Centers of all time. (CAN YOU DIGGG IT????)
We started our withdrawal from Iraq. Thanks DUBYA for a losing quagmire of a stupid fucking fight, but I am glad to report we are pulling back. Afghanistan remains to be destroyed until 2014. I am glad to have Mr. Patraeus at the helm, instead of Stanly Fuckface.
I am sorry to report folks, that Hip-Hop is dead. It takes a month and a half to find a new rap or Hip-hop album that is worth anything. Damian Marley and Nas, however put out an album that changed my life.
That’s pretty much all I got for you folks. Keep your chins up. I hope to write more in this new year.
-PW Hatlsey
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