enjoy:
August 12, 2009
We are all entrenched now in the stupid comedy that doesn’t make too much sense created by a crazy recovering alcoholic named Pat in a Hat. Now, we need to rehash something here….I do not live by, nor repeat the words which I record in this series. If you need a translation…..This should be kept under lock and key, forwarded only with my permission, and if you take me seriously, you will promptly be removed from the mailing list. Now back to the action…….
I was recently pondering the soul source for other breeds of dogs, and I came upon the question of where do Hippo souls come from? As soon as I took the time to ask myself this, I realized that hippos are obviously not the reincarnation of any other animal, since not a single animal would want to step into the body of a big, angry, hot, cranky hippopatmus under any circumstances. But I did realize that I am completely speculating with all of these theories….Who has two thumbs and loves speculating on subjects of which I have no clue? THIS GUY……hand motion necessary, however I don’t have a camera.
So the other question I have been working on recently is: why are so many people such dicks? I can’t cross the street without catching a dirty look from some angry asshole who thinks I should be 25 pounds heavier, bald, and walking with a cane. It is probably the case that the men who give me these looks are married to horrible, mean, and smelly wives, but I really don’t think that I have anything to do with their daily issues. Miserable people are annoying. It seems there are more and more of these assholes in my town on a daily basis. It’s like someone took all of the mean, cranky, angry assholes from every state, rounded them up onto a bus with promises of gambling and bowling, and dropped them off in my neighborhood, express for my enjoyment. I’m sick of it, stop that shit, it’s not cool, nor is it appreciated.
I recently listened to a guy on my block talk to me for half an hour about his weiner dog. I guess there were a few mentions of the weather in there, and one about how Brazilians are annoying, but his main focus was the fact that his stupid fucking dog was aggressive and he couldn’t trust the damn thing anywhere without a leash. I sat there listening intently, all the while hoping that his dog would get picked up a by a nearby hawk that was circling. I had a mental image the whole time of his dog getting dropped into the Charles River and swallowed by a giant pike from the 1600s. Unfortunately, my fantasy was never realized and I had to try not to kick the dog as it growled at me.
Has anyone taken a second lately to realize that Republicans are selfish assholes and very delusional? I have, and I’ll tell you I’m starting to get really fed up with their bullshit. I think we should have a parade through the streets of Texas with gay pride flags, skirts, fake tits, and a picture of W dressed in the same. Any takers?
Frogs have a secret desire to shed their skins, hatch into Iguanas, crawl out of the ponds and streams in which they live now, and catch the next bus to a pizza joint. Lobsters are getting angry, pandas are always angry, cows don’t know their own names, monkeys are getting bolder and meaner by the day, gorillas may now have aids, donkeys are loud and absolutely out of control, and lastly, there is a skunk in my neighborhood on an absolute streak of spraying her ass all over every goddamn thing. Her name is Katherine, and she’s not helping anything.
Please feel free to comment on any of my theories. Hyperbole is a dangerous tool and should be kept out of the view of people with no imagination, people who hate people, angry guys named Robert, and anyone who does not have the ability to laugh.
Pat in Hat
Welcome the king of outrageous, senseless, silly, and off color humor.
Raise your foot up high
Say hello to this guy
Let’s not be hasty
It will all be tasty
Blame it on the spider
By the name of clinky
With a brother named stinky, blinky, and linky
More to come next time….thanks to all the people out there who actually take the time to read these thoughts……..
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