Climbing Green

Climbing, Not Smoking

I have discovered a new way to get high (please excuse the bad pun.) Instead of smoking trees, I have learned to practice the ancient monkey art of climbing them.

It all started when my 3 year old niece (Kaevee) was in town. We were playing a game she likes to call Monster. This game involves one of us being the monster, and chasing the other. I started out as the monster, which I found fun. I growled, crawled on all fours, and chased her around the yard. When was her turn to “scare” me, she started chasing me. I was alarmed at her stamina, and soon grew weary of running.

My next move changed my life forever. Instead of continuing to run, I climbed a tree with low hanging branches. Soon I was in the safety of a big oak tree. I was very proud of myself, Kaevee not so much.
She yelled….
“YOU GET DOWN UNCLE PATchwork, right NOW!”

I said, “Why?”
She responded….”Because I can’t get you up there!”

I started to howl like a monkey and shake the branches. She was slightly amused. Mind you, this was just after I had helped her “sled” down the grassy hill. I was exhausted, and outmatched by her youth, vigor, and sheer enthusiasm. The problem is that she is so cute, I can’t say no to her.

I climbed down, but my obsession with climbing trees was born.

The next day, I climbed the same tree and my brother Tim said “that’s weird, let’s play waffle ball.”

When I told my dad about how much I liked it, he admitted to me that he spent the first 18 years of his life climbing trees. (yet another reason to love him)MY DAD IS THE MAN.

After the weekend, my sister in law returned to her homestead, and I was looking for the picture she took while I was doing my best monkey accent in the tree. I posted to her Facemail page “do you have any pictures of a monkey uncle in a tree?”

My uncle felt offended by the comment, and quickly replied…..
“HUH?!?!” I found this to be hilarious, and his fear of ridicule was assuaged by the forthcoming picture of me in a tree.

Flash forward one month…..I climbed the same tree. Dad was with the lil one again, and she said…
“Let’s get Patrick down right now”

Dad said, “How can we do that?”

he said: “let’s yell at him.”

Dad replied, “Or we could throw rocks at him!”

She scared me down when she said “YEAH, let’s throw rocks at him.”

I hustled down from my perch, as she tried to select a good rock to throw at me.
Moral of the story:
So instead of smoking stuff that ruins Patch’s ambition, Mr. Hatsley will be climbing trees from now on……it will come in handy when the world is coming to an end, and the waters rise.
Happy weekend readers….remember to smile for smiling’s sake.